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Friday, September 30, 2011

Game 1 vs Dwarfs

** Static **

<<< The picture appears, a very scantily dressed female dark elf is standing in the mist of what appears to be a blizzard. She seems to not care about the cold as she scowls at the camera. >>>

She says, “Get that camera working or I will have your head on a pike!” then her rant continues, “I will use your head as a….” Then she pauses, “Oh we are live?” She turns on the charm and clicks into a professional tone. “Up next on Magic Mirror TV and I am Nytalla on scene outside the locker room, we have a live post game interview with the Orc coach of the Mork’s Mangler's with their coach Gon’ Madden. Coach, tell us about your feelings of the game…”

Gon’ Madden looks at camera trying to be serious as half naked  orcs run past the camera cheering and whipping one another with towels; the coach glares at them and says, “Getz in da’ showerz, ya gitz smellz like a dwarf’s arze!” The orcs quickly disappear and you can hear running water in the background.

The coach clears his throat, “First, I wouldz likez to thankz all da fans that attended our first game despite the cold. We hadz about five thousand to da dwarves three thousand, course you couldn’t tellz dat as they are so small and looks like der standz wuz empty.” He laughs a little.

Nytalla directs the coach a little, “Tell us about the game itself…” Moving the mic back towards the coach.

Gon’ Madden smirks, “Well, Mork blessed uz with a guddin game, couldn’t ask for a better first game. Wez had mayhem, crumpin’ and such, oh yea, we scored also!” After a moment of amusement he continues, “Doz bluez and whitez Smurfs was eatin’ da ground morez thanz dey was playin’ da game.” Then continues, “We putz about three of em’ on da bench by da endz of the game. One of dem even had a fractured skull…guess we went easy on dem dis time. I wuz proud of my Black Orcs and Blitzer’s on der fine work in benching some of da team.. Snaggletooth even made surez we got a point for da win at da end of the second alf’.”

The reporter continues her interview, “what about your choice for MVP Gon’?”

Gon’ Madden glares at the reporter, “Whut? Baconz da’ linemanz deserved it!”

Nytalla counters, “But he wuz thrown out of the game for fouling.”

Gon’ Madden continues, “Oh dat, he had gumption. I respectz a player that can give da ref da’ finger for makin’ da call as he left da field. Sides, dem dwarves wuz fouln’ all overz and even had the Commish on deir sideline givin’ dem some secretz playz and such! When I called the ref on it, he jus looked at mez and said, dat is da guy that payez em’ and to slag off.” The coach nods to someone off camera.

The next question is asked, “So, what can you say about the Turtles and their game?”

The coach ponders, “Dey iz tough, ard as nails to keep down. Dat Blitzer on der team could toss a meanz skin also and dat funny aird’ guy caught goodin also. Guess being unda’ground beat’n rocks makes ya good at sumptin.”

Nytalla continues, “Thanks coach, anything else…”

Gon’ Madden says, “Nah, I think I am aboutz to go celebratez with da boyz and get annuder gold toof to my collection….”

Nytalla is handed a slip of paper, then reads, “This just in, breaking news. The head referee was just found dead in the refuse pile out back of the stadium. Officials say he died from multiple blunt force trauma. His money pouch was missing along with a single gold tooth ripped from his mouth….guess someone didn’t like his call…and now the weather…”


Great game with Pete and the Dwarfs! We rolled a 12 for a snowstorm which affected passing and GFI in our game. Twice we rolled on kick off result of the cheering fans with Pete claiming a bonus reroll each half. He had 3k of fans and I got 5k with the +1 Fan Factor. We ended the game on the 8th turn of the second half with a score 1 to 0 in the orcs favor.

I had some amazing dice rolls including putting two dwarfs on the bench and getting a fractured skull on one (-1 AV to a slayer to AV 7!) and knocking another one out another two. I only had one on the bench and that was my linemen that fouled out and earned the MVP. Guess the coach liked his attitude.

To add mayhem to the game we had souvenir balls on the field and sprinklers going off as well as a pie to the face of a dwarf player. This just added to the comedy of the game.

Pete got one completion with a Runner and a MVP for his Blitzer. My MVP went to the linemen as I said. Also, one Blitzer got a TD and one got one casualty. Another Black Orc claimed the second casualty; sadly the last casualty was thanks to the crowd ripping a dwarf apart when he flew into the crowd after a Black Orc clobbered him.

I have until the 15th to finish my last game and things are looking rough between my wedding anniversary and wife’s birthday weekends along with some travel to Orlando for work on a backlog project may cause some problems. This game is also against the Skaven that are light on armor but fast as hell. Defense is going to be key here.

For my second two week block I am facing Lizardmen and Ogres! Two veteran coaches also at that. This is going to be another rough run to take down an experienced (played last season) Ogres and the ugly nature of the Lizardmen on top of that.

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